Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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