At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
