FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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