Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
