I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
