I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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