I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize