we're blogging at a bar
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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