dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
