Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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