There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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