well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
