something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
