for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
