I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
