I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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