Soap is not a condiment
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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