I just cut my nipple shaving
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize