So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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