Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you never un-have a 4some
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
