Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
