I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
