Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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