I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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