cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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