All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize