just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish you could order shots online.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
