mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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