Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
smell my finger.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
