I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
