I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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