i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
