Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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