I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize