i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
