I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
