I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
