She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
