I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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