Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
