..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
