he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
did i just pee glitter
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize