so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
