dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
