dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
