it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
