I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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