he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
