Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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