OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
