Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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