Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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