I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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