dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
