I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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