Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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