I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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