Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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