Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
