There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
