is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
