3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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