I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
someone owes me an orgasm
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
