Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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