Need sex. Gaining weight.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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