I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
