I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need to sanitize my soul.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
